When you break up with someone how do you ensure that the issues that led to a break up do not cause problems again? Brian says you should figure out if the problems in the relationship actually have a solution. Can you work things out? Or do you want your boyfriend who is uncut to be circumcised? Can you cure his snoring? We have to work on this possessiveness and our communication skills. Working through your issues will take time and effort. Is he worth it? A new relationship with your ex is just that a new relationship. Men can change. Brian recommends that you drop the previous dreams and expectations and start anew. Clear the slate.

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I am chasing a relationship that is 16,000km away with someone who lives in another continent and is only 25. Brian’s second tip is to figure out if the ex’s positive qualities outweigh his negative qualities. The Austrian and I do have amazing physical chemistry. We are both very needy. On the other hand…he does have a possessive personality and a there is a certain degree of miscommunication. Nobody is perfect, Brian says.

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I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. The Austrian has started talking to me again. He is coming to Sydney in May. Meanwhile, I have been chatting up a lot to Peter, a guy who I am having a big first date tonight. I am confused as to whether I should make up or make out?? When it rains men it pours. Should I give the Austrian another go? Or just move on to Peter? Brian Caniglia’s book Getting back with your Ex gives some advice to all of us who are thinking of getting back with our ex. First he says, you should ask wither you are doing this only because you cannot have them? Gay men always seem to want what they cannot have: straight men, beautiful men with brains and guys who want more than just sex. We like what is outside of our reach, weather it is good for us or not.

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The whole drama with the Austrian got me thinking about monogamy or more precisely…homogamy or gay monogamy. Why is it that most of us still demand monogamy? Is it something that is realistic? Does it make little sense today? The Austrian was mad that I was cyber cheating. He assumed we were monogamous. In the gay world monogamy is out….open relationships are in…yet we look down upon couples who are not monogamous. Yet most of us know that there are very few relationships that are truly monogamous.

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www.shouldidumphimornot.com is a website devoted to answering the question...should I dump him or not? You tell strangers your relationship drama and readers vote on whether he should stay or he should go. The stats for long term relationships are not good, with 50% of all marriages ending in divorce. If you do have a bitter break up and want to bitch about it, go to this site www.been-dumped.com/. If I am clearing the slate…should I just start again with someone knew. I am excited about this big date. Peter at least lives in Newtown. What would you do? Is it a good idea to get back with an ex?

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